Matt here. Thanks to jetlag I am wide awake but grateful that Peter is sleeping soundly in his crib. Yesterday was a whirlwind of processing and emotion and I hope to do it justice with this post.
We met our driver outside our hotel at 8 a.m. for the one hour drive to the Jinan Social Welfare Institute. Our guide, John, was stuck in heavy traffic so we picked him up on the way. The orphanage is in the suburbs and as we drove John answered many questions for us and laid out the day ahead. John works frequently with adoptive families and just last week he escorted three families at the same time, although we were his only clients this week.
When we arrived at the orphanage we briefly waited in the car for Charlie, a very helpful and kind orphanage employee who would accompany us through the day and to the various offices for processing. While we waited, John pointed out a small structure by the road. He explained that it was a place where families could leave children for whom they could not care. He spoke of the tension between the law which prohibits such abandonment, and the compassion to provide a safe place for the children until they were found, knowing that abandonment will occur despite the legal prohibitions against it. When a child is left there, an alarm sounds after five minutes to alert the staff.
The Jinan Social Welfare Institute is a massive compound with a main building and several outbuildings that houses more than 600 children, many with profound special needs. Once inside we waited for what seemed like hours but was probably no more than for 30 minutes in the main meeting hall. When Charlie arrived he brought with him the daycare supervisor who was carrying Peter.
We instantly recognized him from the pictures and did our best to comfort him but he was very upset, no doubt terrified by the unknown people and change swirling around him. The staff called one of his daycare teachers to come down and she succeeded in calming him before she handed him to Allie. He again became distraught, with a wail that could best be described as plaintive. Allie immediately shifted into "mommy mode" and began walking, dancing and singing in an effort to calm him. Within 20 minutes he had cried himself to sleep on her shoulder. I have never been more proud or awed by her skills as a mother.
While Peter slept, John and Charlie prepared several documents for our signatures. When we had completed the paperwork, we were allowed to go upstairs to see the daycare room where Peter spent his days. We also had the opportunity to ask several questions of the supervisor about his schedule, favorite foods and overall health. We also learned that he had spent the last six months in foster care with a local village family who cared for him at night. This was the first time we heard of his foster family and were grateful that he had this attention. It is also encouraging because while the transition is initially more challenging, children from foster care often attach and bond more quickly to their adoptive parents since they are moving from one family structure to another. It was a blessing to have this brief look into his daily life but also heartbreaking to look in at all the sweet babies.
We then went back down to the meeting hall and met with the orphanage director and talked with her for 15 minutes while Allie fed Peter his first bottle of water (even though he is 2 and a half, he still takes a bottle). The director was a very kind woman who clearly has a heart for children. She asked several questions about our family and my work. We thanked her profusely for taking such good care of our son and presented her with gifts for the orphanage and staff. She then presented us with several items that we will treasure: his first bottle, a CD of pictures from his time there, his file, and his finding ad. The ad is placed in the local paper whenever a child is found and has a picture and description of the child's condition and location where he was found. All of these are things that will help us tell Peter his story as he grows older and more inquisitive about his past.
We then left the orphanage and drove back to town. We stopped for lunch at a huge seafood restaurant. Allie and I ordered a large pot of clams, tofu and a type of green that was cooked so that the broth tasted like the salty goodness of the sea. Our guides shared a pot of oysters, tofu and egg and also helped us with ours as it was more than we could possibly eat. Peter sat on Allie's lap during lunch and proved to be quite the excellent eater! Allie fed him lots of tofu, green beans, mushrooms and egg, and he has a very healthy appetite.
After lunch we had pictures taken of the three of us together at a local photo shop for use in our adoption paperwork. We then went to the Ministry of Civil Affairs where we completed more paperwork. Toward the end of this stop, two families came in who were adopting from an orphanage further out in the country. Their new sons were probably five or six and I was struck by the fact that while have a one-way language barrier with Peter, because he doesn't speak more than a few single syllable words, these families had a two-way language barrier as their sons attempted to communicate with their new parents in fluent Chinese.
We then drove to Peter's "finding spot." From the paperwork we had previously received and his finding ad, we knew the general area where he was found. Our guide drove us there so we could take pictures to add to Peter's story. Peter was left near a school and a hospital when he was two months old and while ill with pneumonia. He was taken to the hospital for medical care and then transferred to the orphanage when was well.
We then went to our final stop, the Ministry of Justice to have our paperwork notarized. Like all of our appointments this went quickly and smoothly and, just like that, our adoption was finalized in China and Peter was our son.
From there we returned to the hotel at 4:15. I walked down to the Wal-Mart to pick up some milk and a few other supplies while Allie entertained Peter in the room. A staff worker from our agency called our room to check-in and see how the day had gone. We walked around the hotel, fed Peter some banana for dinner and another bottle of milk and by 7 p.m. he was sound asleep in his crib, no doubt exhausted by a long and scary day which bore no resemblance to the routine to which he is surely accustomed.
Sitting in the quiet hotel room, it was difficult to not be overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation and the unknowns about Peter's health and his physical and cognitive development. We are very encouraged that he is walking without assistance, something he was not doing even a couple of months ago. We were also thrilled that he allowed both of us to hold him throughout the day and did not seem to have an aversion to one parent as often happens. But there are still many unknowns.
As I lay in bed, the question "What now?" kept ringing in my head. And the answer to that is as simple as it is complex: live life. Meet Peter's most basic needs. Provide him safety, comfort and security. In other words, do the exact things we did when we brought Noah home from the hospital after his birth.
No comments:
Post a Comment