Eyes Wide Open

Matt here, with a post that has been germinating in my mind for several days now.  One of the consistent themes of the past week has been the special needs of the children being adopted and the sometimes underreported nature and severity of the needs.  It seems that for some families with whom we've come in contact, their child's special needs were greater than had been expected prior to Gotcha Day.  And this isn't the fault of the adoption agencies--all they can do is forward the information that they have received from the orphanages.  

There are several possible reasons for this:  lack of adequate medical care and diagnoses, lack of reporting by the orphanage, the effects of institutionalization in masking special needs other than those that have been reported and, perhaps, the expectations and hopes of adoptive parents.  In some cases the children are malnourished and severely underweight. They may have untreated infections, including one sweet little child who had three different infections, all treatable with antibiotics, on Gotcha Day.  

There are of course some exceptions.  There are orphanages with comparatively excellent care, including Peter's.  But those seem to be the exception and not the rule.  We feel very blessed with Peter's health. Other than a little chest congestion that quickly cleared up and some skin irritation, he appears to be free of illness and no one will ever accuse him of being underweight, not with his voracious appetite. 

It is easy to say that we should hope for the best but prepare for the worst, but another thing entirely to put that into practice.  In retrospect, no amount of reading, researching and networking with other adoptive families could have fully prepared us for the emotional roller coaster we rode last week.  

That said, one great resource for us has been the book Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best, recommended by our adoption agency.  Toddler adoption is so different than adopting an infant and this book does an excellent job laying out potential scenarios and behaviors adoptive parents may encounter.  Many of the issues we encountered with Peter during our first week together had been addressed at length in the book and, once we were clear of the fog of war, we were able to draw on some of what we learned in the book.  If you or someone you know is considering adopting a toddler, I cannot recommend this book enough.  

Why am I writing this?  Am I trying to discourage you from adopting internationally?  Absolutely not!  If anything, this experience has underscored the desperate need for adoptive families.  Rather, I want to ensure that families approach international adoption with their eyes wide open, ready for the possibility that their adopted child may have needs greater than anticipated and ready to meet and care for their child's needs by any and every means possible.  It is also important to remember that these children are not their special needs. Rather, they are children with needs, like any other child, the greatest of which is to be loved.